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Searing Hearts
#1
The following is the prologue and snippet of a story I've had cooking in my head for a bit. My writing style and verbiage has gone a bit stale in the last few years, so constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. The story itself is geared to accept those who haven't had exposure to GW. Do you think it does?
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#2
I'm told that the story doesn't isolate readers who are unfamiliar with GW, so now the question is, are the GW elements present enough to engage a GW veteran and keep him/her interested?

Here is the completed prologue and first chapter.
I'll need feedback.
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#3
I realize now that attachments are a bad thing (or at least not a user friendly thing). So I've posted the story segments on GWO...
Searing Hearts
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#4
Nice.. I'll read it through when I get back home >^.^<
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#5
Hey
I am dedicating this poem here on "Searing heart"
It's just the first draft but what do you think so far?

Searing pain flutters my heart,
A call to fill the emptiness
For this black hole is growing deep;
Such a chilling loneliness.

Black rain trickles down my face,
A sign of inside over-flow.
For cluttered space is never overcome;
Everything needs a place to go.

Mixed feelings grow and shrink alike,
A reply to muffled outside cries
For none a person can over look
The mocking shrieks of voices above.
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